I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
