Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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