Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
