oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
