i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
