they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
