his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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