Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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