batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
