How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
