We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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