How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
