U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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