There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
