so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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