Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
