Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
she told me i tasted like america
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
