News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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