my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
