I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
