Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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