when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
