she woke up with a sticky ear
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
