I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
