I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
