So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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