State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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