Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
