I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
