Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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