he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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