I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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