you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
