my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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