At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
