'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
