explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
