i was rollin on her like bob the builder
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
