The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
