No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
