Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
