Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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