We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
