i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm both gender and math confused
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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