What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
