All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
