i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Dignity is for republicans.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
