i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
