i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
