Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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