I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
