so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
