Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
