I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
