I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
