I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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